Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Of course I have a pirate flag
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
