Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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