Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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