i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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