you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
