its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
