i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
