Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
