Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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