i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
