I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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