I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
