I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize