R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You can't special order awesome
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My balls are so social today.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
