Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
