It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
