Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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