Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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