You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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