Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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