How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize