Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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