thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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