Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
