dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
