Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
