hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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