Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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