hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize