I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
