Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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