saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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