Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize