I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
