For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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