i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
