Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
