I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
