I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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