There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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