I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize