she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
