Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
