I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
