i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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