I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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