He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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