i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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