she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
