it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
they're like a gay fantastic four
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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