Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
