do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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