She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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