Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
