you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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