just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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