eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
