I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
