dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize