I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
