Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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