i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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