You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
