We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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