Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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